I find it helpful to occasionally go downtown and present one of the
homeless people down there with a motivational poster of a bunch of white guys rowing a boat, with the word GOALS printed at the bottom.
You see those guys rowing? I’ll say. Not bad eh?
Sometimes I’ll even lie and say one of the rowers is me.
I’ll stand there with my hands in my pockets, staring out at the horizon,
“Yeah, you could say I’ve lived a pretty successful life.”

Probably when Michelangelo was working on sculpting David’s privates and someone would come in the room he would jump and pretend to be working on the knees. Don’t you people ever think to knock? What is it? What do you want? I’m workin’ here!

I’ve noticed that the most highly active PTA members always have the ugliest children in the entire school.
They’re trying to keep an eye on those teachers- Make sure their ugly kids
are getting a fair shake in the classroom.
Yet, it’s those same people who are most outspoken about the dangers of
kidnapping. ----That’s when I walk up to them and say, “No, you don’t understand. Your kids are ugly.”